In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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