you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
