I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
