genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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