Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
