Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
You just made me feel so damn special
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Randomize
