I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
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Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
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You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
false alarm, still single
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