my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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