She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
