then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I'm like, not good at living.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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