No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Holy shit dude........stairs
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