You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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