dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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