Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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