how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
