I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
