Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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