I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
