when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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