apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
