I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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