I think I won the penis lottery.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
