tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
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