I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
