a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
