Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
