there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
