I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize