I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
