the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
