UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
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