i came on her dog
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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