Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
That reminds me...we need to get swords
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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