She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
