Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
