Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
