So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
