what if every blade of grass was a penis?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
this will be a night to untag.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
