Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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