i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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