3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
