she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
