whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
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Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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