That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
