im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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