DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
