They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
