So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
