Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
