and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
