...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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