I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
