You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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