he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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