Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Quick, to the slutcave!
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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