it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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